Bell ~ Let's Talk

Today, Wednesday, January 28th, is Bell Let's Talk Day, an initiative from Bell Canada that focuses on raising awareness about mental health issues.  The premise is simple and one that is close to my heart, that if people will tell their stories and listen to the stories of others, much of the stigma and shame associated with mental illness will be replaced by understanding, compassion and empathy.

My sister, Dana, started the story telling this morning by sharing her struggle with depression. The truth is that my family is and has been full of brave, intelligent, capable, resilient people who have walked their life paths hand in hand with the darkness of mental illness, including the black dog of depression, and in my life, anxiety.

I can't remember ever not being anxious.  From infancy and probably even earlier, for various reasons, my body and brain, my personality and intellect developed while awash in a potent cocktail of stress hormones, specifically cortisol.  From a very young age, I learned to deal with overwhelming stress by "disappearing."  I froze, withdrew, and was compliantly, passively and quietly non-existent.

Anxiety controlled my life.  "Disappearing" could, at least in some respects, protect me from the outward stressors, but I could never get away from the inner turmoil.  As an introvert, when faced with a fight or flight trigger (which, due to the chronic anxiety, happened often), I withdrew.  Shut down. Shut up. My mind, though, was rarely quiet.  I was, and am an introvert, but I am also passionate, thoughtful, strong minded and full of questions.  I struggled with the silence. I was bright and opinionated, but repeatedly had to choose safety over freedom.

Because I had never been free from anxiety, I thought everyone felt this way.  As an adult, I became a Christian and began to grow in faith. I heard over and over, "Fear not."  It had the authority of a command, but there was always a whisper of hope attached to it.  Fear not. Was that even possible? The God I knew, the One who had rescued me from a life of darkness, who loved me in ways that I was only beginning to understand, would not ask something of me that wasn't possible, that He couldn't or wouldn't help me acheive.  As I walked with Jesus, through Bible study and with the help of faithful and honest counsellors and friends, I began to gain control of my thought life. The Scriptures and God's intimate counsel led me through a path of cognitive training that set me free from negative thoughts that kept me trapped in fear.

One of the aspects of mental illness that is often overlooked involves physical symptoms. A lifetime of chronic anxiety had conditioned and fitted my body to react in extreme ways to situations and circumstances that my mind, emotions and stress hormones were slapping danger signs on.  Retraining my mind, and even my emotions set me free to some extent, but I soon realized that my body had a mind of its own in these matters.  I was diagnosed with a chronic bladder disease called interstitial cystitis (IC) or painful bladder syndrome (PBS) when I was in my early 30s.  One of the most consistent and frequent triggers was stress.  A few years after the IC diagnosis, I suffered a heart attack. I had no markers for heart disease, other than the fact that I was overweight.  My blood pressure and cholesterol were low to normal, I had no family history of heart disease, I didn't smoke or do drugs, and I was young. The diagnosis was coronary artery spasms, a condition that was very susceptible to stress. 

It felt like my body was saying, that's enough! I had to face the possibility that cognitive training and the peace that I felt in God was not going to stop my body from reacting to the stress of life.  I prayed for healing, and I knew that it was possible.  I had experienced healing in my mind and heart.  As I continued to struggle with the physical effects of stress, I began to think about asking for help from my doctor. As in meds. I hated the very thought of it. Nerve pills. Oh, pshaw.

I saw it as an easy fix, a sign of my weakness.  I never questioned the strength of my faith. God and I had been though that when I first got IC. I knew that He could heal me. There was no question in my mind. I struggled with Him, when He didn't heal me, and we worked it out.  Somehow, though, I had gotten to the point where I believed that I had to tough it out to be strong, that being brave always meant pushing through the fear, pushing, pushing, pushing until I wasn't afraid anymore.  Unfortunately, my body wasn't getting the message, and the pushing through was killing me. It was one thing when the stress only meant searing pain in my abdomen, but when it also meant my coronary arteries spazzing closed, choking off the blood supply to my heart, I needed to pay attention.

So I went on meds.  The first time I took a anti anxiety medication, I was at home. The phone rang, and as I answered it, I was acutely aware of an odd sensation. Or, more accurately, an odd lack of a sensation. Fear.  Every single time I heard a phone ring, a swoosh of adrenaline would go through my body, burning through my stomach and bladder, trembling my hands, muddling my thoughts. Except this time.  This time my stomach stayed calm. My hands didn't shake.  I was amazed.  Is this what normal feels like?

Adding anti anxiety medication to the cocktail of daily meds that I take for the IC and heart problem was the right choice for me.  I still struggle with anxiety, and I have moments when my body spirals out of control and all I can do is hang on and wait it out.  I have discovered that sorrow feels very much like fear to my body. Sometimes I choose to deal with triggering events and the resulting flash of anxiety and pain through yoga, meditation, deep breaths, laughter and reaching out to loved ones. The amount of medication that I take daily works for the stress of daily life. Sometimes I take less. Sometimes more. I pay close attention to my body, and try to take care of myself. I am learning to nurture my body in the same way that my heart calls me to nurture and care for those around me.

Chronic anxiety is still a part of my life, but it doesn't own me.  I am grateful for the availability of medications that can help, for the grace and understanding of my family, and for the opportunity to tell my story, and to listen to the stories of others.  Yes, there are dark voices from the past, taunting, mocking, complaining voices that grew angry at me when I could not be what they demanded me to be, but the loving voices are stronger, bolder and most importantly, truer. 

I pray that as we walk this path together, we will be encouraged and emboldened to turn to the voices that are saying to us, "Tell me your story. It's okay, I'm listening."

Tell me your story.  It's okay, I'm listening.

Finding Hope in Robinson Crusoe

"I daily read the word of God, and apply'd all the comforts of it to my present-state. One morning, being very sad, I opened the Bible upon these words, I will never never leave thee, nor forsake thee. (Joshua 1:5) Immediately it occurred to me that these words were to me; why else should they be directed in such a manner, just at the moment when I was mourning over my condition, as one forsaken of God and man? 'Well then," said I, 'if God does not forsake me, of what ill consequence can it be, or what matters it, though the world should all forsake me, seeing, on the other hand, if I had all the world, and should lose the favor and blessing of God, there wou'd be no comparison in the loss?'"

Robinson Crusoe, by Daniel Defoe

Have I mentioned that Marc lost his job?

So, Marc lost his job a couple of weeks ago. I guess I forgot to mention that here, haven't I? I didn't really forget. At first, I wanted to give Marc a chance to digest the news. He came home from a construction job he is doing for a friend of ours, with the news. The official reason was that his position was to be terminated. Marc was a technician for a company that sells systems for residential waste water management. He supervised installations, did inspections and repairs and had been working there for three years. Being let go so suddenly was a shock, to say the least.

It took us all a few days to incorporate the news into our lives, but Marc was understandably hit harder. He didn't sleep for several days, laying in bed thinking about what he might have done differently. After a bit of time and a discussion with a friend who is also an ex-employee of the company, he was able to find some perspective on the situation and relaxed a bit.

I realized, from walking this journey with him and watching how others would relate to him when he told them the news, that one of the hardest things for us to do when someone is hurting is listen. I have always been impressed with Job's friends in this aspect. I know that they went on to offer all sorts of unhelpful blather that has fueled countless sermons on the the evils of...well, unhelpful blather. But listen to their initial reaction to Job's considerable sorrows;

When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. Job 2:11-13

These three guys went to Job and sat with him in the dirt for seven days and nights in complete silence. Am I alone in finding that simply remarkable? I know they said all the wrong things afterward, but I think there might be something about entering into another person's sorrow so faithfully that makes up for a considerable amount of stupid.

So Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar, funky names aside, impress me. It's not easy to sit still and not try to fix other people's problems. I saw this with Marc. He just wanted to talk about what had happened and how he felt about it. He needed people to listen. Just listen.

He also needed lots of physical affection. Ladies, just a quick note here. If your husband is struggling with a blow like this, especially one that bats his self-esteem and sense of self-worth around like a beach ball, it is often helpful to use physical touch as a means of communicating concern, love and acceptance. Back rubs, hand holding, hugs, and yes, even making love can bring a lot of comfort to a man, especially if he is struggling to identify or communicate his concerns. As women, we often find comfort in difficult times though physical touch. We hug friends, pat hands, cuddle children, cry in each others' arms, stroke kittens, and just generally find ways to comfort ourselves. Men get much less physical touch than we do, and most of it comes from us. Never underestimate the value of a hand on his back, a brief touch in passing and other moments of intimacy to give him the unmistakable feeling of being loved and accepted no matter what is going on.


Learning to listen requires faith in God and His plans for us and others. It is a glorious thing to listen to someone talk themselves into godly solutions and mindsets. We understand that God is at work, through His Spirit, and we are mere servants in the process. It doesn't mean that words are not useful, but it is only after freely, patiently and trustingly listening that we can have any hope of our words being what we want them to be - comforting, wise, up-lifting. Also, if what comes out when we finally do open our mouths is mindless blather, well then at least we haven't completely messed up. Comforting others is often less about saying the right thing and more about being present.

This is something that I am only beginning to learn. You may not have noticed, but I have a tendency to be a bit wordy. Okay, how could you not have noticed? :) In any case, I read once that the type of fasting needed by most preachers (I would add teachers, speakers and writers as well) is a fasting of words. I tend to use words like my husband uses duct tape - to fix everything. Only, and I realize I may be offending a whole segment of the population here, duct tape doesn't actually fix everything. Neither do words.

So, Marc lost his job. He has a few leads on other jobs, and in the meantime, today he is setting up the chick nursery because on Friday, hopefully, the eggs in the incubator will hatch. Who knows where the next few months will lead us? Well, God knows. That is good enough for me. What I do know is that God loves us and has promised to care for us and that whatever happens, it will be an adventure.

That is also good enough for me!

Following Jesus - The Unmerciful Servant

"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." Matthew 18:23 - 35

Once again, Jesus is blowing open the boundaries of something that most of us would rather be kept boxed. Forgiveness. The thing is, here He is explaining why.

A king calls in a servant who owes him ten thousand talents. This is a huge amount of money. Millions. It's more than any servant would ever be able to pay. Because the servant can't pay it, the king is going to sell him and his family and all his belongings to recoup his losses. The servant begs for time to pay the king back, an empty promise if ever there was one. There is no way he can do this, but in times of great stress, promises are easy to make, if hard to keep. The king had pity on him, and canceled the debt.

Canceled the debt. That's an easy point to miss. He didn't let his servant go in hopes that he would get paid back. He knew it wouldn't happen. Imagine the feeling. The huge weight of debt and destruction is lifted. The servant went from a destroyed life to one of hope as the debt that has been hanging over him for so long is gone.

How would you feel in his place? As you left the palace, what would be going through your mind and heart? Would you be shaking from gratitude and excitement? Would you be eager to go home to tell your family the good news? Would you be joyful, relieved, even tearful?

We can tell a lot about a person and what they are feeling by the way they behave. And this is the way the servant behaved. He went out and found a fellow servant who owed him a hundred denarii, the equivalent of maybe twenty dollars. When his friend could not pay him, the servant grabbed him, roughed him up and had him thrown into debtor's prison until he could pay the money back.

Of course, the king hears about the incident, as kings are wont to do, and iss outraged. He can not understand how, having had such a large debt canceled, the servant could go out and show no mercy to one who owed him so little. He throws the unmerciful servant into prison to be tortured until he could pay back all he owed, which was effectively, for the rest of his life.

Then Jesus adds the clincher.

"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

How could it be, that one who had been forgiven a debt so large could still feel justified in punishing one in debt to him? What was he thinking? We really don't have to go too far to get more insight into this. For many of us, it's as close as our own hearts. We shake our heads at the unmerciful servant, but we have all been forgiven huge sin debts. We've experienced the beginning of the story first hand if we have asked Jesus to forgive our sins, to cancel our sin debt. Jesus is talking to us, about us. If we have experienced the first half of the story, then we need to look at how we have done in the "forgiving others" part. This is important, because our King knows what's in our hearts. And the consequences, when the King sees us being unmerciful to someone who hurts us while He has shown such mercy to us...well, Jesus paints a picture of the consequences that should make us shudder.

There's no point in thinking that we can glide past the castle and escape the eye of the King, who, after all, loves us. The king in Jesus' parable cared for his servant so much, he canceled the debt without even being asked to. This is about a king who loves all his servants.

If we really look at it, it's all very practical. It should be easy to forgive each other when we have been forgiven of so much. I believe, as in many spiritual battles, this one begins in the mind. We become deceived and confused because of lies we believe, and the result is disastrous. Our wills and anger are strengthened by what we choose to believe. Freedom comes with confession of the lies, a desire for yet more forgiveness for allowing ourselves to be deceived, and a renewing of our minds through God's power in us.

Tomorrow I will address some of the lies that we can fall into, some things the unmerciful servant might have been thinking that led to his actions. This is important stuff, because we, like the unmerciful servant, have access to more freedom than we can imagine. That's if we don't mess it up on the way home.

Following Jesus - The Good Samaritan and Mercy

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"

"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"

He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"

In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'

"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"

The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise" Luke 10:25 - 37


Who was the neighbor? The one who showed mercy. It's hard not to notice that the expert in the law didn't actually choke out the words, "The Samaritan". Baby steps. He did know the answer, though.

Mercy is an interesting word. It means kindness, compassion, but with a twist. Mercy is kindness and compassion, undeserved. Kindness and compassion, in spite of. Kindness and compassion, when anger and vengeance might be expected. Mercy is being kind and compassionate to one who in no way deserves our kindness and compassion, either because we have no relational obligation to them, or because they have sinned against us. In fact, mercy is not giving someone the punishment that they do deserve. Interesting.

When my daughter was small, I read in a Christian parenting magazine that, in order to teach her what mercy meant, I should occasionally not discipline her when she deserved it. Of course there were prerequisites. She needed to be sorry for what she had done, she needed to know what the consequences were and she needed to understand why I was not implementing the consequences. I talked about the concept of mercy with her over the course of the next couple of weeks. One day we were in a grocery store, and I had made the rare overture of offering her a treat at the end of the shopping if she behaved herself during the shopping. She didn't behave herself. By the time I was finished filling my cart, I was tired, frustrated and had spoken to her several times about her whining and begging for me to buy things. As we waited our turn in the checkout lane, it occurred to me that it would be a good time for a lesson in mercy. So I turned to her and asked her what she wanted for a treat. Her eyes lit up and she immediately began to scan the goody rack in front of us. Then she stopped. She looked up at me. She grinned, and said, "Hey...you're giving me mercy, aren't you?" She threw her arms around me, looked up into my eyes and thanked me. Then she apologized for her behavior earlier. She picked out her treat, and in the car on the way home we had a really neat talk about mercy, how good it feels to receive it and how it makes one want to be merciful to others.

It was more than a good teaching moment. Grace and I have had repeated opportunities to show mercy to each other. I often benefit from the fact that she is a deeply compassionate, merciful young woman. She did not become this way because of me. She became this way by her own desire to be merciful and by her relationship with a God whose very Presence in her life is a supreme act of mercy.

Being merciful is definitive proof that we love someone unconditionally. Even when consequences must be implemented, mercy remains kind and compassionate. I have disciplined Grace many times since that moment at the grocery store. Sometimes mercy is removing the consequences, but to be honest, consequences can be an expression of mercy. Consequences teach the connection between deeds and outcomes of deeds. Lessons are learned this way. It does us no good to always be protected from the consequences of our actions, and God does not often do this for us. I will say, though, that God has protected me from the full force of the consequences of my actions. The wages of sin are death. Through Christ, I am set free from the death that awaits my sin. By His sacrifice, I am made clean. Compared to that, the consequences I might face here on earth are manageable. But mercy also shows itself in compassion while consequences are being suffered. For the merciful, the words "I told you so" must die before they ever reach our tongues.

Parents and spouses can be especially prone to this. We see the mistakes. We can predict the outcomes. We may even have "told them so". When the hammer falls, it can be hard to muster up some compassion. Self-righteousness comes so much easier. When someone is suffering the consequences of their actions, and shares their suffering with us, often the best thing to do is keep quiet. Words are not required. It is usually a time to listen, to understand, to share the pain. Even if the person cannot see the connection between their present pain and their past actions, mercy and compassionate love in the midst of the pain will go a long way to opening their ears and hearts to anything we might have to say later. The point to remember is that it is not about you. It is not about what you knew would happen or what you think should be done now. Mercy says, "You, first." If need be, "You, second, third and fourth" as well. Love your neighbor as yourself.

The entire parable of the Good Samaritan is about mercy. Love. People. We've been here a long time, looked at it from many different angles. When a scripture passage begins with someone asking Jesus how to inherit eternal life, and ends with Jesus saying, "Go and do likewise", I think that makes it an important place to linger. It seems like Jesus is asking a lot in this passage. It seems like the bar is placed pretty high. And it is. This is not a comfortable passage. Living it out will not be comfortable. One of the things I often get from Jesus' teachings is that comfort is not a big priority to Him. Good thing, too. He was facing the cross, after all. I do think, though, that following Jesus brings more than comfort. It brings peace. It brings joy. And it brings a love that is passionate, relentless, unconditional, unstoppable, unbelievable.

Next, I think I will be writing about the parable of The Unmerciful Servant. If our desire is to be a disciple of Jesus, it is vital that we understand His heart for us, and for those around us. Discipleship begins in the heart. It begins for a reason. As we say good-bye to the Good Samaritan, we may be daunted by the sheer boundlessness of love that Jesus is asking us to give. As we will see from the unmerciful servant, there is a reason why Jesus expects so much from us. And there are consequences for turning from His path.

Until tomorrow, stay merciful.

Following Jesus - The Good Samaritan, Exploding Borders

"Who is my neighbor?

In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins[e] and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.' Luke 10:29 - 35

In Jesus' day, if you were Jewish and needed help, one of the last people you would want it from would be a Samaritan. Jews and Samaritans despised each other. Religious differences led to disagreements, competing doctrines and eventual hatred. A Jewish person would go out of his way to avoid going into Samaritan territory, and was not allowed to talk to or in any way interact with a Samaritan. Jesus had already shown a disturbing tendency to ignore these religious, racial and cultural divides by talking to a Samaritan woman in John 4 about her life and faith.

By making the hero of his parable a Samaritan, Jesus was sending a very distinct message to his listeners, especially the religious leaders and "experts in the law". When asked about the borders of God's neighborhood, Jesus points to the farthest extremity and maintains that it starts there. Everyone from the Samaritan to your back door is your neighbor. In a world that was defined by it's borders, to a people who lived by the boundaries of who was acceptable, Jesus was blowing out the walls. If a Samaritan could be your neighbor, why, anyone could be your neighbor. And Jesus was saying, love your neighbor as yourself. Want for them the same as you want for yourself, with the same passion and intensity that you want it for yourself. Work to advance and please and encourage and lift up your neighbor as you do for yourself, as you want others to do for you.

Labels can be useful. There is something in us that automatically labels people according to what we see, hear and experience from them. To be honest, this helps us to move through our worlds with greater ease. When I walk into a store, it is helpful to me to be able to see who works at the store, and therefore may be able to help me should I need it, and who is a customer like I am. When choosing someone to care for my child, when choosing a mate, when choosing a mechanic, it is always helpful to be able to "read" people, to tell what someone might be thinking, how effective someone might be at the task required, to know how trustworthy someone might be. We all do it. The problem comes when we rely on our labels and own judgment too much. We need to recognize our limits in this area. Things are not always as they seem. People are not always as they seem. We have judgment for a reason, but it is not infallible. If we allow fear to overcome us, we begin to weed out people, dismissing them on the very possibility that they may hurt us. We put people into categories that we never mean to release them from. Muslims become terrorists, Christians become rule-following freaks, pro-choice people become baby-haters, pro-life people become women-haters, bikers become criminals, women become weak, men become bullies...we stop talking to each other, asking questions, letting people reveal themselves to us.

Our worlds become very small, and soon we are only comfortable with people who are like us, people we trust. Then the question that begs to be asked is, can we trust ourselves? To be honest, my worst enemy is myself. My daughter was raised in contact with people who used and sold drugs, swore profusely, and did many other immoral things. So, which sin does she struggle with? Gluttony. Guess where she got that from? Me. Thankfully, she also inherited from me the idea that our neighborhood is boundless. (I inherited it from God.) She inherited the belief that God demonstrates His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8) That means, while everyone else was still...is still...a sinner, Christ died for them.

When we as people, as families, as churches, try to lock ourselves in behind walls in order to be safe, what we end up doing is locking ourselves in with our own sin. I have watched beautiful, brave, beloved friends struggle through drug withdrawal and have fallen on my face before God in shame at my own weakness. When I eat less, my body sings a happy song. I feel great, immediately. Drug withdrawal is a nightmare of physical/emotional/psychological pain. Gluttony is one of those sins that most often gets locked inside the church with the people, to the point that we joke about gorging ourselves at our potlucks. This should not be. If we spent more nights up cradling broken people in our arms until they fell asleep exhausted from the pain, we would find our own sin less amusing.

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Our labels are weak protection. They are tools, but not tools to build our salvation on. Remember the original question? Luke 10:25 ~ "Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" Jesus is putting the use of labels in it's place. And He is saying, you will save no one, you will inherit nothing, you will gain nothing, you will win nothing by using faded, worn out labels in your service to Me. The word neighbor loses it's meaning when it applies to everybody. So, ultimately, Jesus is saying that the way to inherit eternal life is to love. Love. Everybody, all the time, for eternity.

Sounds impossible? You bet it is. The rule-followers are going to kill themselves trying. Christ-followers know that it is only by giving control of themselves over to the Spirit of God will they ever be able to love anyone, anytime, at all. After all, when an ocean of love is pouring into a child of God, some is bound to leak out and splash on the world around us.

Count on it.

Following Jesus - The Good Samaritan

"Who is my neighbor?

In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. A Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'"

A man, presumably a Jew, traveling down a dangerous passageway between Jerusalem and Jericho, is attacked, beaten and robbed. We are not told the point of his journey. We do not know why he was on this road. We do not know if he was a good man or not, if he was hardworking or not, if he was faithful to God or not. All we know is that after the robbers leave him, he has nothing. Not even his clothes. Penniless, physically close to death, humiliatingly naked, lying in the dust waiting to die. Powerless. Filthy. Defiled. Broken almost beyond repair.

It is interesting that Jesus sees no need to delve deeper into the man's character. Does he even deserve help? Without his clothes, who could tell what kind of man he was? Maybe he was a robber himself, deceived and betrayed by his fellow thieves. Who knows? It's Jesus' parable, so Jesus probably knew. But He didn't say, and we can assume by his silence on the matter that it is of no consequence. There are only two things that Jesus needs us to know about this fellow. He is there and he needs help.

We like to know more, though. We like details. The amount that we are willing to give is directly related to how much we approve of the facts behind the need. There is always an underlying question in our hearts. Do they deserve it?

There is a young man in our lives that we love very much. My husband and I have taken him into our hearts and are mentoring him, as much as he will let us. Recently he was in a situation that served to reveal to us the depth of his difficulty with relationships. In the process, he deeply hurt a dear friend of ours, in ways that were outlandishly callous, disrespectful and rudely uncaring. We love him, and were not completely surprised at his behavior. I felt angry with him, though. His behavior was unacceptable, and I suspect he will do everything that he can to avoid taking responsibility for it.

My husband and I were discussing how to best help him now, in the light of his behavior. The question of what he deserves is not the issue. Of course he does not deserve help, especially not after what he has done. But we love him, and God loves him, and so the only question that remains is how to help him in a way that will produce more positive results, that will not interfere with God's natural working out of the consequences of his sin in his life. Essentially, we need to stay out of God's way as the consequences of his actions come down on him. We need to make sure that he understands our love extends to our friend that he hurt, that we also are hurt for her.

The real challenge for us, or for me anyway, is to keep my heart humble and clean before God. I need to make sure that self-righteousness does not raise it's ugly head and that I don't pull away from him in an effort to "punish" him for his sins. I want to say, "Listen, buddy, you're on your own". In many ways, we do have to pull back from the hoops we used to jump through to help him, because part of the problem is a disturbing sense of entitlement. But we must do it because it is a viable part of the solution, not out of anger and vengeance. The fact is, the more we know about a situation, the harder it can be to serve without pride and self-righteousness. The harder it is to plug into God's plans and will, because He is almost always more inclined to grace and mercy than we are. He is a just God, and but His justice is redemptive. It is meant to bring about salvation, healing, wholeness, reconciliation with Him and with others. Punishment desires only to inflict pain for pain received. God is merciful. (Hosea 6:6)

I believe in tough love. I also believe that the operative word there is love. The term "tough love" gets thrown around a lot these days to justify attitudes and words that are anything but loving. Tough love may have to close the door, but it sits, crumpled and weeping on the other side. Tough love hurts the lover as well as the loved one. If we walk away from a "tough love" incident or conversation feeling right, strong, accomplished or satisfied, there was probably not much love involved. Tough love may say, I can't help you right now. The love part, though, will spend the rest of the day/week/month in prayer because our loved one is struggling and our hearts and minds can't help but be with them. This is not guilt. It is not about us at all. It is about them. Our tough love may cause them pain, and as necessary as that pain may be, we weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn. God knows that it is not easy. He is the Master of tough love!

We may think that these things are so complicated. Situations are multi-faceted, relationships are tricky, the truth can be hard to find, do we meet felt needs vs real needs and then who decided what needs are real? The real challenge, though, is within our own hearts. Christ-followers follow Jesus' example and would gladly ignore details if they could. Who is this guy? What's his story? Does he deserve help? For a Christ-follower, as for Jesus, the passion to reach out in love is so strong that even when details must be addressed, they are an irritation, a speed bump that has to be navigated before they can eagerly get to work. It's not that they throw out wisdom, but the passion and love is so strong that the details can feel like a bit of a nuisance.

The one thing the Christ-follower never forgets is that Jesus loves her, has always loved her and always will love her. She lives daily in the light of a supernatural, powerful, eternal love that she in no way deserves, or ever will. It has never been about that, between her and Jesus. His love just is. And, as it is for her, it is for others. Everything that she does for Him is an expression of her love, a celebration of His love, but never an earning of His love. There is freedom and joy in this. When that joy pours into the lives of broken, wounded travelers, great things happen.

Stay tuned...

Following Jesus - The Good Samaritan

"Who is my neighbor?

In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins[e] and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.' Luke 10: 29 - 35

The road from Jerusalem to Jericho, in Jesus' day, was a dangerous passage. It was locally known as "The Way of Blood" because of the violence inflicted on travelers from robbers. What had happened to the traveler in Jesus' parable, presumably a Jew, had happened to countless others and Jesus' listeners knew it. It is often in our "dangerous" times, when we feel threatened and our lives, our lifestyles, our faith, our marriages and children may be in peril, that we are most tempted to turn from the path of Jesus. We read this story and frown at those who walked past the wounded traveler, but how many of us push our children behind us and soldier on past the wounded, lonely, hurting people in our world because we "don't want any trouble"?

And really, who does want trouble? Isn't that one of the things that bothers us about minorities and teachings that oppose Christianity in our schools? Our children hear things and come home asking questions that we don't want to answer and we are angered. Trouble. Difficult people move into our neighborhoods, our schools, our churches, and soon things begin to look like difficult people are there. Trouble. Hurting people come to us for help, but they don't have the grace to be quietly, politely hurting. No, they have to yell and cry and maybe even swear and try to escape their pain in ways that we don't approve of. Trouble.

Who wants trouble? Nobody, that's who. But Jesus, and those who follow Jesus, love people more than they hate trouble. Christ-followers are moved into action by the pain of others, and because of this nothing looks like trouble to them. Christ-followers welcome the opportunity to teach their children to be Christ-followers who love and respect people no matter what beliefs they hold. They aren't threatened by other beliefs. They are too caught up in loving people who have other beliefs. Christ-followers see evidence of difficult people and rejoice in the opportunities to show care for someone.

Christ-followers have caught on to an amazing truth - the best way to avoid trouble is to get busy embracing people. Christ-followers protect their children by teaching them to love, first God and then others. You want to help your daughter remain pure until marriage? Don't teach her to focus on herself and what's right for her. Teach her to love others, including the boys in her life, and to honor their purity. Once she loves people, she'll be loath to do anything that will interfere with their relationships with God, especially not for a few moments of pleasure. Teach young men to honor and love others, including the young women they care about. Is it trouble to care for your family, to tuck your babies into bed, to rub your spouses' back? If the answer is no, that is because you love them. It's amazing what love does to our perception of trouble.

One of my dearest memories of my daughter, Grace's childhood, is having tea with a friend at our house. I have a permanent picture of the moment in my mind, because it is to me, the ultimate picture of the heart of God. Gracie was little, maybe three or four. She was a picture of innocence, all pink and blond and sweet, dimpled adorableness. She was sitting across the table from a man who many would consider her exact opposite. Jerry* was a biker. He sold drugs and lived a lifestyle that showed in the darkness under his eyes, the shaking of his hands. He was covered with tattoos, sported the classic biker guy earring, ponytail, bandanna and leather jacket. He was as rough as Gracie was soft, as dark as Gracie was light, as old as Gracie was young. They sat across from each other at the table, and he chatted to her with a gentleness that moved my heart. Gracie chatted back happily. They drank tea from floral china cups, and Gracie giggled as Jerry tipped the cup to his lips, making a point of sticking his pinky upward in a fine British air. It was sweet and lovely.

Was I worried that Gracie may "pick up" something from Jerry, a bad attitude, a stray curse word? Absolutely not. Gracie already had something that would insulate her against the darkness. She loved. To her, Jerry was a person, not a sinner, not a biker, not a pusher. Do we really believe that He who is in us is greater than he who is in the world? (1John 4:4) Do we believe that the fullness of the Holy Spirit is in us and in our children? God was as much God in my four year old as He was in me. God is love, and gives wisdom to anyone who asks (James 1:5), and Christ-followers know that love and wisdom go a long way to take the sting out of trouble.

No one wants trouble. Christ-followers just want some things too much to worry about it.

*names have been changed to protect the precious

Following Jesus - The Good Samaritan

"Who is my neighbor?"

If we were to be truly honest, we would admit that we have all asked this question, in various forms. We've talked about loopholes, about defining the boundaries of certain principals so that we can know that there are indeed limits to how far we have to go. In general, boundaries are a good thing, except when applied to concepts that Jesus means to be boundless. Love is a boundless concept. This does not mean that behavior in relationships are boundless. Relational boundaries are not limits on love, but on behavior. In fact, relational boundaries are an expression of boundless love, if enacted with a loving heart.

The relationship between King Saul and David in 1 Samuel chapters 16 - 26 is a good example of boundless love and devotion expressed in clear, loving boundaries. King Saul becomes jealous of a young David. David is strong and brave on the battle field and popular among the people. He is also a devoted follower of God, and faithful to his king. Saul, overcome by jealousy and evil spirits that torment him, tried to take David's life. Repeatedly. David tries everything he can think of to convince his king that he is not a threat, that he loves and desires to serve Saul.

In chapter 24, David sneaks up to King Saul when he enters a cave that David and his men are hiding in, and cuts of a bit of Saul's robe. Even this struck David as shameful, and he says to his men who had encouraged him to kill Saul and be done with the issue forever, "The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord's anointed, or lift my hand against him, for he is the anointed of the Lord." David honors Saul's position as king and loves him. Later he shows the bit of Saul's robe to Saul, trying to convince him that he doesn't want to harm him. After all, if he did, he could have cut off more than a bit of robe. Saul ultimately remains unconvinced. A similar situation happens again in chapter 26, when David gets close enough to Saul to kill him, as his men are encouraging him to do, but he refrains. He only wants to prove his devotion to his king.

David sets firm boundaries on his interactions with King Saul, because of Saul's irrational behavior. He does not allow King Saul to hurt or kill him, and while he respects and honors the King's authority over him, he will not obey if it means his life or the lives of his men. His love and honor demand that he not retaliate, that he treat King Saul with respect and integrity. His love is boundless, and expresses itself in boundaries set to prevent King Saul from committing terrible sins against God. He trusts that the God that commands boundless love will care for those He boundlessly loves. God will be David's protection. And the first thing that God is protecting is the eternal David, David's heart and soul and relationship to God.

There is no doubt what is in David's heart in these verses. I am less sure of my own motives, and that is as it should be. Boundless love does not ask, who is my neighbor? Boundless love knows that God's net of love is wide and reaches everyone. Boundless loves says, who do I get to love today, and in what ways can I show love to them? Loophole loves asks, who do I have to love today, and how far does that "love" have to go?

Who is my neighbor? Welcome to a neighborhood without borders, a endless supply of people. Welcome to discipleship w/Jesus, 101. Welcome to the parable of the Good Samaritan...

Following Jesus - The Good Samaritan

"What is written in the Law?" He (Jesus) replied. "How do you read it?"

He (the expert in the law) answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Luke 10:26-27

What does the law say? This is a significant question, because the law of God is true. It is just. It is fair. It is good. Psalm 119:174-175 rejoices in God's law; "I long for your salvation, O LORD, and your law is my delight. Let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me."

Even as the answer, the right answer, is coming out of the expert's mouth, though, the problem with the law presents itself. The expert didn't see it. It is hard to see certain things when one is an expert. This is one of those "You have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children" moments from Luke 10:21. Many people would see the problem, people humbled by the messes in their lives, their lack of education, money and opportunities, the daily struggle to put one foot in front of the other to get to tomorrow. But others miss it entirely.

The problem with this answer is that as easy as it is to say, it is monumentally hard to do. For today, let's just look at the first part. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind. Notice all the "alls" in there? I think of God reading this, as I write about how hard it is to love Him, and I fill sick inside. It's not Him. It's us. I know He knows this, being all knowing and totally secure in His Godhood. I can't help but think, though, that it must hurt Him. His love is eternal. His pain over our lack of love must match the hugeness of His love, right?

It's not Him. It's us. He has every right and reason to ask for our undying, uncompromising, passionate, head-over-heels, forever love. He is glorious, powerful, all knowing, all seeing, all powerful, ever present and profoundly dedicated to us, His creation. He loves us. John 3:16 tells us the extent of His love; "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Today is Good Friday. Today is the day that God's giving hit it's absolute pinnacle. Today is the day that should make the careless quoting of the words, "Love the Lord your God..." die in our throats. This much? Do we love Him this much? With everything? With our all?

"I love you," is so easy to say. Close your eyes and see Jesus on the cross. Hear His cry, Father, why have You forsaken me? Hear His whisper, Father, forgive them... Know that He could not let you be lost to Him. Not then. Not now. Not ever. He wasn't a victim. He was ultimate power choosing pathetic weakness to display earth-shattering, mind-numbing, super-strength love for us.

The problem with the commandment, Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, is that we don't love God enough. We love other things more. We love our own comfort. We love our own happiness. We love our own freedom. We love ourselves (and if you would argue that you do not love yourself, the very fact that you are arguing and honoring your own opinion rather than God's, proves that you do). Our love does not stack up to God's Good Friday love. That is the problem. And Good Friday is the solution. Jesus' death on the cross provided the sacrifice that we need. We cannot inherit our way into Heaven because we cannot keep the law. It's a lovely law. We just can't do it. Good Friday evidenced the love that saves us. Easter morning evidenced the power that made it possible. God loves us enough that He sent Jesus to die for us, and He is powerful enough that death could not hold Jesus down.

Once we recognize that words are not enough, we have a God that not only requires our devotion to Him, but is willing and eager to empower us to devote ourselves to Him. Our prayer should always be, "Lord God, if I ever utter the words, 'I love You', to you without integrity and truth, please let them die in my throat, to be replaced by, 'Forgive me Lord'. Today is a good day to say to God, "I want to love You more."

May it be, Lord. Amen.

Following Jesus - the Good Samaritan

The parable of the good Samaritan in Luke 10 is powerful and deeply meaningful on it's own. Bracketed by the Scripture before and after it, it staggers the imagination. Chapter 10 begins with Jesus sending 72 disciples out ahead of Him, to prepare the people for His coming to them. He gives His disciples instructions on what to bring, how to react to those who would not want to see them as well as to those who welcome them. There is some really rich stuff in these verses. The disciples come back on a ministerial high. They had discovered that serving in the name of Jesus Christ gave them a supernatural power that they never, in their simple, quiet lives, imagined could be theirs. They were able to heal, to cast out demons, to speak w/authority and strength. I can just see Jesus, laughing with them, enjoying their excitement. He warns them gently, though, not to rejoice in the fact that demons listened to them, but to rejoice in that they belong to Him, and that their names are written in Heaven.

Then He rejoices in them, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children." He turns to His disciples, and encourages them, "Blessed are the eyes that see what you see. For I tell you that many prophets and kings wanted to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it."

Little children. Uneducated, unaccomplished, simple. Do you think they ever had conflict in their lives? Of course they did. Later on, when they heard Jesus talking about loving their neighbors as themselves, is it possible that they wanted to frown and question, "What, even this guy? The one I can't stand? The one who lied to me/robbed me/hurt me? Really?" Of course it is. They were real people with real lives, real families, real neighbors, real troubles.

Yet when Jesus sent them out on the road trip of their lives, they went. And when they returned, they returned amazed. Full of joy. Full of stories about what happened, what they were able to do, who they were able to be. I can imagine them running to Him as they came into town, in pairs, chattering between themselves and once they approached Him, pulling Him into the chatter. I can see Him listening, asking questions, laughing as they trip over their tongues and each other in their eagerness to tell Him what they had experienced. Maybe He even touches them gently, on the arm, a hand on a shoulder, as He reminds them where their true joy comes from. "Remember," He smiles into their faces, "Your true joy comes in your citizenship in Heaven."

There's something about the entire scenario that calls out, relationship. Discipleship. Friendship. Love.

There is something about the entire scenario that stands in stark contrast to Jesus' upcoming interaction with the expert in the Law.

Following Jesus - The Good Samaritan

The parable of the good Samaritan is not really just about health care. It is one of those parables, the teachings of Jesus, that many people touch very lightly. Jesus said a lot of things that people touch very lightly. If you push too hard, dig too deep into the heart intent behind a lot of things that Jesus said, you could get hurt. Well, maybe not you, but your schedule, your wallet, your perception of yourself and others. Touching Jesus' words lightly to avoid hitting the root of what He was saying is not an easy feat, simply because Jesus was so clear in many of His statements. We sometimes have to resort to full-blown denial to be able to nurture some of the attitudes that we do while still claiming to love and follow the Jesus who told parables like this one.

The issue is not how well we do what Jesus asks of us. It is whether we believe we need to do it at all. When disciples of Jesus read the parable of the good Samaritan, they understand that Jesus is calling for radical giving, not just to friends and family, but to enemies, as the wounded Jewish man would have been to his Samaritan helper. Disciples understand this, believe it, and even want to live this out. The living it out is hard, though. Disciples soon find this out. But they continue to believe that Jesus was serious about it, and so even when it hurts, they pray for strength and guidance and keep following Jesus in this matter, even if the walk is a stumbling one.

Rule followers debate what Jesus meant by this parable. They talk about what the Jewish/Samaritan equivalent is in our day, so as to pinpoint who exactly we have to be a neighbor to. If they talk about it long enough, they may find that it is impractical in this day and age to act as the Samaritan did, that there are safety issues to consider, that other verses (usually Old Test. ones) give a clearer indication of what Jesus meant.

Rule followers examine, evaluate and autopsy Jesus' words until they are comfortable with them. Disciples take Jesus' words at face value and realize they may never be comfortable again. And still they follow.

If you have been keeping up with this series on following Jesus...wow. I admire your perseverance. I read a quote once that said an appropriate fast for preachers is a fast of words. I think it also applies to writers. I know it applies to me. I am going to make an effort to write shorter posts, to be more concise and to try to make these posts easier to read. I really have no plan as far as content goes. I think, I pray, I read, I observe, and God seems to be pulling it together for me. I am grateful to Him. I'm still thinking and praying about the parable of the Good Samaritan, as it pertains to the issue of health care, yes, but more importantly, how it illustrates for us what is required from a disciple of Jesus Christ. At the same time, we will look at what rule-following looks like in the light of verses like these.

I want to thank those who are reading these entries, and to tell you that I am honored and blessed by your presence here on this page. I write for an audience of One, my God, the only One that I seek to please. It's expected that He's paying attention - He's my God, He has to love me and read my writing. Anyone else who reads what I write is a gift. I am grateful for you. Thank you.

So, if you want to read the parable of the Good Samaritan, it's in Luke 10:25 - 37. It's an important parable. Any time our rabbi says "Go and do likewise", it's a wise thing to know what exactly He is telling us to go do!

Following Jesus

One thing that I didn't get right away in my relationship with Jesus was that I was someone who sinned. I guess I knew it intellectually, but I didn't realize the seriousness of it. I knew that God was holy and just, and that the penalty for sin is death. Somebody has to die spiritually to pay the price for my sin. But death was a long way away in my mind and I just didn't think I was that bad. I learned that sin was more than a set of acts that are wrong - sin is a position that we take, in that we choose to reject God. God, by very virtue of being God, makes the terms. Heaven is His domain. I realized that I couldn't expect to live my life as if He didn't exist, or to insult Him totally by telling Him that I would be in charge of this relationship and He would adapt to me, and still show up in Heaven looking for my mansion. The last thing that I needed was a God that I could control. I couldn't even control myself by putting the fork down when I needed to, and was overweight because of it. And that was only one of the areas of my weakness. No, I needed a powerful, just, all-knowing, ever-present God. And the only thing separating me from Him was my sin. As all of this began to sink into my mind, I began to be overwhelmingly grateful and amazed at the solution God provided. Someone had to pay the price. What I needed was to be forgiven of my sin, to have the debt erased, which seems like a pretty wild thing to even expect or hope for. Could God let me get away with years of rejecting Him?

Then I read this, from the apostle Paul in Acts 13:38, "Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through Him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses."

In Romans 3:21 - 27, "But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in His blood. He did this to demonstrate His justice, because in His forbearance He had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished - He did it to demonstrate His justice at the present time, so that to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus."

Justice says that no, God can't let me get away with it. It's funny, how there are times when we think that our "stuff" isn't so bad and should be overlooked, but we certainly don't want those who hurt us to have their "stuff" overlooked. I understood the feeling. But I was beginning to understand that God loves everyone as much as He loves me, and as angry as it makes Him when others hurt me, He is also angered by the things I do and say to hurt others. It just wouldn't be fair. And at this point, there was no point pretending that I hadn't ever really hurt anyone. I had. There was also, hallelujah, no reason to pretend I hadn't hurt anyone. Because not only was Jesus my new "best thing that had ever happened to me" friend, He was also the payment for my sin. When He died on the cross, He was paying my sin debt, along with the sin debt of the entire world, if they wanted Him to. It was my choice. He was the perfect sacrificial lamb.

In a very real sense, by believing that Jesus lived and still lives today and died to pay my sin debt, and by asking Him to provide forgiveness for me, I was tying myself to Him for life. I belonged to Him. I was His disciple. But what a person to belong to! I asked a question at the end of yesterday's post. Why (and when) did it get all complicated and difficult? I think it got complicated and difficult when I began to confuse belonging to the person of Jesus Christ with belonging to religion, or a set of man-made rules and regulations that we hope will enable us to please God. It may sound like the two go together, but in fact they are total opposites. Tomorrow I'll discuss why.

The Strength to Equal Today

One of my favorite Bible verses comes from the Old Testament book of Deuteronomy. It's a blessing that Moses speaks over the Israelites. Part of the blessing is this, "The bolts of your gates will be iron and bronze, and your strength will equal your days." Deut. 33:25

The first time I read this verse, I felt deeply in my spirit that this was a blessing that God was granting me, as well. God offers His supernatural strength repeatedly to those who love and follow Him, but there was something about this verse that stayed with me. Living with a chronic illness means that my strength is often limited. This has been a frequent frustration for me. There are so many things that I want to do, and when my desires have to bend to my ability, it can be discouraging. The hope that God is offering, that my strength would equal my days, was especially poignant. God was sweetly addressing my need with a promise that whatever my days hold for me, He would give me the needed strength.

There is another side to this promise, that I would not receive strength to equal what is not supposed to be a part of my day. I often have to make choices about how to best spend my energy. Strength resources are not unlike financial resources. Not everything I want to spend my money on is a necessity. God is gracious to our family financially, and we are able to spend money on pleasures as well as necessities, but like everyone else I know, there are always limits. The same applies to my strength.

I believe that God has a plan for my life. To be honest, I don't know or understand many of the details of the plan. I do know the underlying mission - to love and follow God through Jesus Christ with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love others as I love myself. To serve God by serving others, using my God-given gifts and resources to meet needs and to pour God's love into the lives of others. And to enjoy this relationship with God and to live a loved life. I try to leave the details to God, and I appreciate that God has promised me the strength to follow Him every day.

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to follow God. For the next few days, I think I am going to be writing about this. I could get all ministerial and give a 5 point outline for tomorrow's blog entry, along with the titles and a lesson plan for the next week, but I'm not going to. One, I'm not a minister, so I don't have to. :P And two, I don't know the plan, so I simply can't. God has it all in hand. I'm just going to try to stay upright for the ride. And if I topple over, I plan to topple over into the arms of God. That's as far as my plan goes.

Until tomorrow, I am thanking God for the strength to equal today.