Today is not a good day.

Today is not a good day.  I say that, fully knowing how easy it would be to hide the fact that I am struggling.  I'm at home alone, and aside from my four legged friends, no one is here to see me dragging myself around the house, trying to keep busy and wanting to just fall into bed in tears. 

Still, I made a commitment to honesty, to being me, and today, friends, this is me.  Feeling alone, tired, burdened, rejected, and lost.  I know what I should do.  I have been almost constantly in prayer, giving my burdens to God, letting go...and yes, grabbing them back again.  But I do still keep giving them to Him.  I know that I am not alone, that if God accepts me it doesn't matter who rejects me, or why, and I also know that I am anything but lost.  These are my feelings, real, but not reality.  There is huge comfort in that.

I miss having someone to share my day with, someone who asks, and listens to the silly details that would interest no one else but one who loves me.  I am tired of mourning, even as I cherish the memories of those I mourn.  I miss my mum.   I haven't been feeling well, either, and that brings a lot of fatigue with it.  I am just...tired.

Days like this take patience. They require that I be gentle with myself. And kind. As gentle and kind as I would be to a friend who was going through such a day.  Or week. Or year. Times like this cannot be escaped.  They need to be lived through.  And, bless God, they don't go on forever.

Even if it feels like it.

Peace out.