Sunday, July 28, 2013

Meeting Brian

Yesterday I drove to Malone and sat parked in the wrong place for almost an hour (thanks a lot Google maps....yeah, let's blame them) and then drove back down the street, found the right place, pulled into a parking spot next to a huge black truck filled with three teen-agers and one beautiful man.  I jumped out of the car and he stepped out of the truck, and my profuse apologies were smothered by the biggest hug I have ever had in my life.

And I was home.

Odd, to find home in an embrace that I had never been in before.  Odd, to feel several months of soul sharing and laughing and crying and emails and phone calls and skype chats and pictures and prayer and longing and singing and talking and talking and talking, all compress into one warm, safe, lovely hug.

I felt myself relax. It reminded me of  yoga class in the beginning, when we would end our classes with a relaxation time. I would lie on my mat, totally secure in my relaxedness. And then the instructor would begin to talk us through our bodies.  And bit by bit, I became aware of how tense I was.  I would literally feel my body sink into the floor, by inches, when I had previously thought that I was actually already on the floor. Shoulders, relaxed...who knew they were all tensed up around my ears? Breathing, large, deep breaths. Relaxed. Not the short, nervous sucking of air that I so often do, suddenly, startling even myself. Breathe, woman, breathe!

I felt myself relax into the embrace of this wonderful bear of a man, a man that personifies the protective, nurturing, loving power of God.  I remember well the gentle whisper of God, when faced with the knowledge that sometimes He frightened me. "I fight for you, child, not against you." My bear is like that.  Wrapped up in his strength, his power, I am secure, confident, even bold, because his power is for me, not against me.  I am free to relax.

So we had lunch. And the offspring were delightful. And funny. And smart.

And I met Brian.

And I was home.

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