Three weeks ago today, I was at the Trudeau airport in Montreal, waiting at the arrivals gate, staring intently at the people coming through the doors. My Grace and her love, Darren were arriving from England It had been three months since I had last seen Grace. I had yet to physically meet Darren, but I knew him well through Skype chats and instant messages, and through the best source of all, the woman who loved him. My daughter.
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| The reigning couple, at Yankee Candle |
When they finally arrived, my world exploded into happy activity. Hugs and kisses for them both, the joy of holding my child again, of being with her. I may even have done a little happy dance, in spirit if not actually. Three weeks! We had three whole weeks together! So much to do, so many people to see, so much TIME to catch up and hang out and to talk and be like we used to be. Together!
I held on to every moment. I tried, I really did. Three weeks went by much too quickly and today I saw two teary young people off on a plane back to England and my heart hurts again.
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| Fish Fry |
It was harder this time. For one thing, I was sending them both off, and I have grown to love Darren. He is everything I could have asked for in a partner for Grace. He is sweet and intelligent, unfailingly kind and creative and he adores Grace. Plus, don't tell him I said this, but he is beyond adorable. Like, seriously. The dimples? Oh my goodness!
It's so hard.
It feels a bit like the air has less oxygen in it when Grace leaves. Like it hurts a little to breathe, to think, to be. I don't worry about her. Instead, I long for her. I want her with me. Or at least nearby.
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| Which candle to buy? Duking it out... |
She belongs in England, though. She has blossomed there. She is happy, although I know that she misses her home and people very much. She is surrounded by an amazing group of family and friends in England, and I know that for her, home is where Darren is. Seeing them together these past few weeks has been a joy. They truly do take care of each other. They bring out the best in each other, and they encourage each other on to great things, especially in their faith in God. It's so exciting to watch.
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| Leaving the Montreal Holocaust Memorial |
I don't know if I'll ever get used to this, but I do know that I'll adjust. Grace posted a status on Facebook this morning, writing about how grateful she was to have so many people in her life that she loves and misses. She's right, of course. The more beautiful life gets, the more potential, and likelihood there is that there will be pain. That's part of the beauty of being human. The pain of loss and separation doesn't have to make us love less, in order to avoid it. We can choose to love better, more deeply, with more intent and freedom. In this way, we make it worth the pain. In this way, we transcend the pain.
In this way, love wins.
So...feels like time for a Skype date!
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Baymax, from the movie, Big Hero 6, courtesy of Grace, Darren and
the endless winter of 2015. |
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