Wednesday, November 23, 2011

On Grief & Mourning - Feeling Better

This morning, I woke up to the sound of a large vehicle outside my bedroom window. My first thought was, "Man alive, I hope that's a confused garbage truck." Turns out, it was a snowplow. Yeah, that was behind door #2.

So the world is covered with snow. And today, or more specifically, this morning, I am feeling better. Actually, after my post last night, I felt better. Then Madison, who is sporting a broken jaw and 3 broken ribs from an accident a week and a half ago, came down from her room and asked for custard. The last of which I had just eaten. So I made some more while she sat at the table and chatted with me. And I felt better. Then I asked Grace about a paper due in Strategies class today, and she told me about what she had written. And I felt better. Then I took the rat cage to the couch, with momma Feivel and her 9 six week old babies in it. I sat with the bottom of the cage on my lap while the ratties ran all over the cage bottom, munching on popcorn I had made for them and fighting for space in my hands. And you guessed it. I felt better.

Right after Mum died, I remember being disturbed by how easily the world just kept moving on without her. I had this odd sense, as I lived my life each day, that everything seemed so oddly normal. I probably even seemed normal. But I was walking around with a huge, gaping hole in my heart. Not knowing how to be, I just tried to be normal. It was confusing and hard. As time goes by, though, the world's determination to keep moving forward has become a kindness. Activities remind me that I am and always will be more than a broken heart. Relationships offer support and care, and opportunities to support and care for others. The ratties and Jean-Luc provide humor and "awwwww...'moments.

And the snow? The snow means it's now officially time to start playing Christmas music. And that's a very good thing.

I know that there are no guarantees for tomorrow, or even this afternoon. But for now, I'm feeling better.

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