Sunday, March 10, 2013

Well, hello Sun!

What a lovely week-end. It feels like Spring has come.  I know that we've had some nice days in the past month, but to be honest, I've been a little oblivious. I've written briefly here about my Lenten journey. There's a reason I call it a journey. The past few weeks have been a walk through forgiveness, letting go, hope, faith, as well as deep revelations about myself, God and our relationship with each other. It's been painful.  But lovely at the same time. Kind of like labor.  I wouldn't exactly choose it, but if it's the only way to get the wonderful gift at the end, it is worth it.

The past week has been one of quiet reflection.  Last week-end I was alone here, because Grace went to Vermont to visit family. I didn't blog about it or mention it on Facebook because of some of the threats I have been receiving lately. There's no use asking for trouble. Which is sad.

 Anyway, I usually don't do well alone on week-ends, and last week-end initially seemed like it would be no different.  God used the time alone with me, though, to show me some things from my way past, past....that needed to be addressed, forgiven and released.  I also needed to forgive some people. It was a very healing time, and I continued in quietness, prayer and Bible study for most of the week.

There were also some losses that I needed to mourn. It was very painful, so painful in fact that I felt it in my chest.  I actually had several episodes of chest pain,  They say that it is possible to die of a broken heart, and I believe it. I knew that it was the emotional strain, and part of the courage to endure came from knowing that it was a journey, and that I would not be on this road forever. The road to freedom really was as close as opening my eyes and accepting the inner work of God's Spirit in my heart.  The result was the beginnings of a gentle peace that replaced the restless pain that I have been spending a lot of time trying not to notice. Healing doesn't happen overnight, and I am still in mourning, but I know that my heart is being softened and made more tender with God's love for those around me.  I trust God's healing, and cling to His hand on this walk.

If you think of me this week and if you pray, would you please pray for me?  God will give you the words.  Never underestimate the power of your prayerful desire for God to bless another.  It is kind of like asking God to pour rain on your neighbor's parched, dry land.  Your parched, dry land receives the rain as well.  His love is life-giving water, bubbling and overflowing into all our desolate places.  How cool is that?

I found out this week-end that I got another part-time job, this time as a secretary for my church.  I figured it was a God thing when one of the church elders approached me about the job, and after I told him how awful I would be at it, he paused and then said, "Well, let me get you a job description anyway." Which he did. I applied. And was accepted.  When I had a chance to think about it, I realized that the job was actually within my skill set.  More importantly, though, it would give me a chance to get involved in the church, and to serve God.  As with everything, my role is to simply put myself in the place where I am free to serve God in any way He chooses, and then I can leave the rest up to Him.

On a lighter note, I had a complete blond moment last night.  I was on Facebook, and read that someone had accidentally set all her clocks back one hour, instead of forward.  Which, you know, is something I totally can see myself doing. So I wrote this long, silly Facebook post about trying to figure out where to set my clocks. I even pondered changing them half and half.  Just to confuse Grace.  Hey, I'm pretty sure I've already lost the coveted 2013 mother-of-the-year award, so why not?

I should know better than to joke about these things.  *sigh*  I absolutely knew that I was supposed to turn the clocks forward.  You know, the whole "Spring forward, Fall back" thing.  So I logged off Facebook, closed down the computer, turned off the lights, and set about setting all of our clocks...BACK an hour.  Yeah.  Got into bed, changed the time on my clock radio (which, by the way, I've had for over 27 years 'cause that's when they made stuff that lasts!) back to 9pm from 10.  Thought, whoa, it's too early to go to bed!  Read my Bible for a bit, did some journalling and snuggled down in the bed, secure in the *erroneous* belief that I had literally HOURS before I had to get up. Totally oblivious.  Until 4:55 am, when I woke up and wondered why it was so light out, so early.  Cue, the "a-ha" moment.

You know, I am aware that I am not dumb.  But sometimes, if I rely on my "default" setting and don't intentionally think things through and keep thinking them through until the end....egad.  I just have to say how grateful I am for "a-ha" moments, and the chance to change all the clocks to the right time before Grace got up.  Because all that talk about messing with Grace's head with half and half clocks?  Just talk.  All of it.

You're welcome, Grace.

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