Friday, December 21, 2012

A Melancholy Friday Night

I just came home from work. I spent three hours with a dear boy who has Asperger's syndrome, and who is an absolute delight.  We ate pizza and watched the movie, Real Steel. I cried at the end.  He practiced all his newly learned boxing moves. I was impressed.  

His parents went out for supper and bought groceries.  They came home, happy from a night out. I had a wonderful time, and once again left amazed that the agency I work for actually pays me to do this.  It feels like what I was made to do.

I stopped at the Super C in Ormstown on my way home, picked up a few things, and came home.

So, now, here I am.  Grace was already in bed.  She's not feeling well, poor Chika.

And I am feeling melancholy. Part of it is being alone on a Friday night. When I was passing through Ormstown, there was a friend who lives there that I considered visiting, but I didn't.  Wasn't sure if I should.  Didn't know if I'd be an interruption or not. Didn't want to intrude.

All the old insecurities surfaced.  And I came home.

Someday I'm going to be okay, popping in to say hi, knowing that I am welcome, knowing for sure who my friends are...

So, in the spirit of sharing things about me that you may not know...I can be very insecure.  I can get confused about who my friends are, who wants me in their lives and who is just being nice.  I have my forever friends, the ones I never, ever, ever doubt.  But then, there are the people that I really want to get to know, the ones that I'm not quite close enough to, to feel safe with, but who I would like to be.


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